divorce

Coparenting During the Holidays

Colorful holiday lights wrapped around trees and scattered across a grassy area, creating a festive atmosphere during the evening.

My first holiday season during my divorce was the hardest. I had to be away from my kids during one of the most family-oriented times of the year. At the time, it felt unfathomable. My ex-husband and I hadn’t really solidified a coparenting counselor or parenting plan yet, so everything was kind of on a whim. If you’re newly separated and in the process of divorce—if your situation allows for it—have a parenting plan set in place before things are finalized. We did this after the fact which made it really stressful for me.

During this time, I didn’t put up the holiday tree (aka Christmas tree, but we don’t call it that), I didn’t really decorate my house; I was not in the holiday spirit. I was more concerned about being away from my kids for the day they were with their dad, mainly because their grandpa (my ex’s dad) was in town. My kids were so young at the time and had never really been away from me for more than a few hours.

Fast forward to the next year, and it was even harder for me. I had just gotten used to being away from my kids every other weekend, but in December 2023, my ex-husband decided to take the kids up to his dad for Christmas. His dad lives out of state, so me being the mama bear that I am, I had conditions and requirements. In retrospect, everything was fine. Their great aunt was there, too, so I felt a little more reassured, but it was the first time I had been away from both my babies for a full week. Mind you, my son was barely two-years-old at the time.

After that Christmas, I vowed to myself to work on ways to ensure that if my ex decides to take the kids places for extended periods of time things would be different than they had been. Any time my ex wanted to take the kids anywhere, I made sure he knew that I’d need things planned in advance if he wanted me to feel confident in his parenting abilities while he has the kids (me feeling confident is still a work in progress, but I know the kids are safe).

Now we’re at the end of 2025. My daughter is about to turn eight-years-old and things are a little bit easier this year. During my therapy session yesterday, my therapist brought up the fact that this is the first holiday season since my divorce that I’ve been more relaxed. Granted, I have a lot going on outside of coparenting, but he’s right.

My relationship with my ex-father-in-law is better than it has been in years, my kids are stoked to go visit and my ex is solely focusing on the kids while he’s up visiting his dad with them.

In terms of holiday schedules, what we worked out is that I get all Jewish holidays, my ex-husband gets Christmas every year, and I get all other holidays on odd years, and he gets them on even years. Birthdays are shared and if things need to change, my ex and I can communicate to adjust…most of the time.

It’ll always be a work in progress, but for the first time in three years, it’s been the easiest since my divorce. Is that a thing? Where things shift come year three, going into year four of divorce? I sure hope so.

If this is your first holiday season without your kiddos, I feel you and I’m with you. If it’s your 15th holiday season without your kiddos, you’ve got this and while it’s still hard, you’re so strong and the snuggles will be extra special when your kids are back with you.

Sending love this holiday season.

Mom Truth Monday: Divorce Is Never Easy

According to Modern Family Law, approximately 40% of first marriages end in divorce. Believe it or not, this number seems to be a percentage decline in recent years. That being said, the word divorce is still a scary one and one that’s still hard to talk about.

Is it still taboo? Maybe. The fact is, it’s all the more common and more times than not it’s the woman in the relationship that initiates it. At least that was the situation in my marriage.

I filed for divorce. I wanted out. I needed out.

But let’s rewind for a minute. While I wanted and needed out, it was my ex-husband who decided to leave. I’m just the one who told him that if he walked out the door, he wouldn’t be walking back in. And that took a lot of courage on my end to hold steadfast to.

Out of respect for my children, there are things I won’t share, but there are definitely things I will. Like how it took me two years to work up the courage to even think about filing for divorce. You read that right: think.

In hindsight, I’m glad I waited because I wouldn’t have my son if I didn’t, but my marriage was falling apart long before he was even born. Communication wasn’t there, needs were definitely not being met—and while, I too, can take some blame for things falling apart, a majority of it wasn’t me.

But, me being who I am, tried to fix it. I wanted to be able to tell my children that mommy did everything she could to fix what was broken.

It was too broken to fix.

Values and priorities no longer aligned. The children, me, this marriage were no longer priority for my ex-husband anymore.

So, I filed for legal separation at first. Then, after a few months of working through the process with my attorney—and my ex-husband’s true colors coming out—dissolution of marriage.

That was in May of 2022.

My divorce wasn’t finalized until my birthday, September 15, of 2023. Over a year later. It was the best birthday present I have ever received. The best email from my attorney. But in that grueling year I had to:

Meet with the superior court to come up with a step-up plan regarding the children for my ex-husband
Show up to multiple court hearings
Write countless legal responses to things said about me that weren’t true
Write a settlement agreement
Agree on a co-parenting counselor
Pay legal fees
Try and maintain my mental health
Ensure my kids remained happy and healthy *this was the most important of them all

Fast forward to July of 2025, and me writing this Mom Truth Monday post. Divorce is never easy. Emotions run high and frankly, they still are at times.

Are me and my ex-husband successfully co-parenting?

Not really.
Maybe sometimes.
Depends on the month.

I’d say we’re probably successfully parallel parenting. We agree on the big things regarding the kids—like doctors and schools—but there are other things that we may not agree on and still need the help of our co-parenting counselor. I am still in therapy. I’m not sure if he is.

The children are primarily with me and are happy, healthy, thriving and growing up to be the best versions of themselves they can be. My son will never know his parents together as we divorced when he was six months old, but my daughter still remembers. She had four years of her mom and dad together.

But it was still the best decision I ever made for my kids. And me.

If you’re going through divorce, or thinking about it, just know that I see you, I’m with you and you’ll make it through. It’s hard, but your happiness matters, too. It’s the right decision. I promise.

This Time of Year Is Always Hard. Here’s Why It’s Even Harder This Year.

Fifteen years ago I lost my dad. It was sudden and as a teen who had just started college, I had to grow up very very quickly. I had to be strong for my mom while she navigated the sudden loss of her spouse, but after six months, I broke. I missed my dad so much. The bond between a father and daughter is something special and my dad was my protector. Yes, I had a boyfriend at the time who I was infatuated with, but no one compares to a dad.

Fast forward to today, and I miss my dad more than ever. This year has been particularly hard and I have spent many a nights crying and wishing my dad were here to help me through the separation and—soon, hopefully—divorce. My mom has surely stepped up, as has my village of close friends and my moms groups, but there’s still that bit that is missing. The one man I can always count on isn’t here anymore and it truly sucks.

The light at the end of the tunnel is still a bit aways away, however, I can see it and it’s there. I have good days and bad days, but as long as my kids are happy, then I can handle the bigger things.

I know that 2023 will be a better year, if not the best I’ve had in a long time, and I can’t wait for it to get here.

What helped you navigate life after losing someone important in yours? Let me know below.