babies

What I’ve Learned About “Mom Guilt”

Mom guilt. They’re two words one may hear while pregnant, but in reality won’t ever experience until your little one arrives. Sure, you prepare your home, family, your body for your baby’s arrival. You make sure you’re nourishing yourself properly to grow that little seed into a majestic human being. You give up caffeine (or if you’re like me, switch to decaf), walk for 30-minutes every day, take your vitamins and listen to your doctor’s advice and guidance to ensure your baby is growing as they should.

But what happens when your little nugget arrives? Well, you’ll lose sleep, forget to feed yourself since you’re so consumed in your baby, basic hygiene may go out the door for a week or two (granted, at some point you have to shower), make sure your animals that shed are kept in a separate area, if you have a winter or summer baby rack up that heat/air condition bill and you figure out your rhythm when it comes to nourishing your child.

Let me be clear. Mom guilt can happen to any mom for any specific reason. Your hormones are through the roof the first two weeks postpartum (you thought pregnancy hormones were bad, guess again…) that even a Pepsi commercial can make you cry.

What I personally have learned about mom guilt is that it’s 100% in my head. I am playing the mom guilt card in many different situations, and for me, it’s been mainly associated to figuring out the best way to feed my baby.

Since birth, my little girl has had a hard time latching. Every time we’d try, she’d get frustrated that she couldn’t latch onto my boob. She has a very small mouth, which can be part of the issue, but I blame my nipples. They aren’t the most ideal for breastfeeding. At the hospital, my body had to heal itself a bit before it could really think about nourishing my child, so I was self-expressing colostrum and finger-feeding it to her. Once we arrived home, I was pumping and trying to get her to latch. I was pumping every hour and a half when I got home that I had cracked and bleeding nipples and have since discovered a bruise on my right breast from the intense suction (a hospital-grade pump will do that to you).

I try and get my little one to latch every time, but in all honesty, we’ve had to supplement her with formula. The formula I’m using is from Happy Family Brands and is the Stage 1 Happy Baby Organic Formula. The reason I love this formula so much is that it’s modeled after breast milk and doesn’t wreak havoc on my little one’s digestive system. She handles this formula really well and I feel good when I feed it to her. At this point in our breastfeeding journey, it looks like my supply is dwindling down no matter how much I pump or how much Fenugreek I take.

Enter my main “mom guilt.” I keep beating myself up that I can’t provide more of my breast milk to my child. At this point, she is a formula baby.

While I know that the first month of life is the most crucial for my little one so she receives the antibodies in my milk to help build a strong immune system, potentially having to stop because my supply is getting smaller was never part of my plan.

Society puts a lot of pressure on moms to breastfeed their child. “Breast is best” they say. True, it is, but what about those moms whose supply isn’t there, or moms who just don’t have any milk at all? They give them formula. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I envy those moms because they never had to even go through a bout of mom guilt related to breastfeeding.

When taking my breastfeeding class prior to giving birth, the instructor mentioned that it doesn’t matter what type of nipple you have (inverted, flat or pointy), you can breastfeed. What they fail to mention every time is that it’s not easy. There are so many situations that may come up that prevent successful breastfeeding:

Your baby has a hard time latching due to a small mouth, lips, etc.
Your nipples just aren’t erect enough for them to hit the roof of your baby’s mouth in order to stimulate suction (this is my problem).
You have little to no milk supply (granted, you won’t know this till the time your milk is supposed to come in). This is also my problem.
It’s a frustrating experience trying to get your baby to latch. You get stressed out and they get stressed out, resulting in nothing.

All in all, it doesn’t matter how you feed your child––whether it’s breastfeeding, pumping and bottle feeding, or straight up formula––the only thing that matters is that your child is fed, growing and healthy.

If you’re happy and not stressed, your baby will be, too.

Did you have any issues in the breastfeeding department? I’d love to know which route you took for your child. Let me know in the comments!

10 New Mom Must-Haves

While I was pregnant and creating my baby registry, I was browsing a few friends old registries to see if there was anything I needed or yearned for. After being a new mom for a month, I’ve come to learn what has been super useful and what hasn’t. Here are my top 10 new mom must-haves (in no particular order).

1. Munchkin Warm Glow Wipe Warmer

I cannot rave about this product enough. I love it so much I even bought a second one to keep in our bedroom since our little nugget will sleep with us till she’s around six months old. We use Water Wipes and this warmer works wonders on a baby’s tush. No crying because of a cold wipe and it also helps get the pee and poops off her legs faster since it’s warmer.

2. Arm’s Reach Concepts Inc. Clear-Vue in Natural

This bedside bassinet is everything. I had the pleasure of meeting the owner of the company when I attended the ABC Kids Expo back in October for Red Tricycle and got to see this in person before someone bought it for me from my registry. One side folds down so you can keep a close eye on your little one while they’re sleeping. Perk: it’s on wheels, meaning it goes everywhere I do around my house. Also, baby can sleep in it up to six months, which is great since we’ll be transitioning her to her crib at that point.

3. Comotomo Natural Feel Baby Bottle in Green and Pink

Since our little one is having a hard time latching, I’ve been pumping and bottle feeding. Ultimately, I think this is the way we’re gonna go for a while, so I’m glad I discovered these. The slow-flow nipple is ideal so she doesn’t eat too quickly and with this bottle, she still attempts to latch to my breast, so there’s no confusion.

4. Little Martin’s Drawer Baby Nail File

courtesy of Amazon.com

This has been a lifesaver when it comes to “clipping” our little one’s nails. Instead of using actual baby nail clippers (which can nick their skin), it’s actually a nail buffer like what you see at nail salons. It truly doesn’t damage your baby’s skin if you accidentally touch their finger instead of their nail. Our little one loves getting her weekly manicures with this item. Note: it’s easier if you attempt while they’re dozing or asleep. They’ll be less likely to move!

5. Ubbi Odor Locking Steel Diaper Pail in Mint

If I could afford–and if it wouldn’t be stupid–two of these, I would. I’d keep one in my bedroom for those late night diaper changes and the other in the nursery. This thing is truly amazing. It does such a great job of hiding the odor from those dirty diapers and is easy to throw out once the bag is full. Just tie a knot at the top and toss it in your trash bin.

6. BEABA Babycook 4 in 1 Steam Cooker and Blender in Cloud

courtesy of Amazon.com

While I still have some time before I’ll be using this, I was able to see this product in person and get a walk through of it at the ABC Kids Expo this year. Once my little nugget will be introduced to blended solids, I’ll be using this like crazy to make my own blends.

7. Philips AVENT Microwave Steam Sterilizer

As a new mom, you hear horror stories of bottles and pacifiers and other necessities for your newborn getting bacteria and other nasty things on them because they aren’t sterilized. Instead of having to boil water multiple times a day, I wanted to find something that could be really useful for bottles, my pump equipment, pacifiers and basically anything that needs sterilizing. I just put everything in this sterilizer, put in the microwave for around 4 minutes and voila! Everything is steam sterilized and ready for use (once it dries, of course).

8. Boon Grass Counter Top Drying Rack

This goes hand-in-hand with the AVENT Microwave Steam Sterilizer. Once I’ve sterilized all my goodies, I’ll just throw them on this rack to air dry and within about a half hour, I can use what I’ve cleaned. Plus, it keeps things separate from my other dishes.

9. TaoTronics Cool Mist Humidifer

My little one is a tad bit congested, so having a cool mist humidifier in our room has been really helpful. We turn it on at night and set the timer for 10 hours and it distributes a cool mist in our room, keeping our baby’s nose from drying out (although we’ve been using saline drops in her nose, too) and keeping the air not too dry. I highly recommend getting a humidifier for your little one during the winter months.

10. Metene Medical Forehead and Ear Thermometer

Since our nugget has been congested, I’ve been checking her temperature religiously to ensure that she doesn’t have a cold. This thermometer literally takes her temp in two seconds and can be used on the forehead or in the ear. It really looks like something out of Star Trek (nerdy pun!) and is truly a lifesaver.

What were your new mom must-haves? Even if you’re a second or third time mom, what are your go-to essentials. Let me know in the comments below!

My Labor & Delivery Story: Part 2

If you read part 1 of my labor and delivery story, you’ll learn how things progressed for me during the early stages of labor.

Once I hit active labor at the hospital, everything changed. At 5.5 cm I plateaued and needed Pitocin to keep things progressing nicely. Before I had them start the drug, I asked for the epidural. The procedure to get the epidural is scarier to think about then actually experience. Since the anesthesiologist has to come in and do the procedure, you’re only allowed one other person with you, so I had Max stay with me. He had to wear a scrub cap and everything (as did I) in order for the room to be sterile enough.

I was lucky with my anesthesiologist in the sense that he was quick with the epidural procedure. We were watching (and I was feeling) my contractions on the monitor and he was able to do the procedure in between contractions, which was nice, so I didn’t have to hold too still during those times. Once the epidural catheter was in my back (yes, it’s a procedure that goes into your spine to numb the nerves from the waist down), I thought the medicine would kick in almost immediately.

This is where things took a turn for the intense in my labor. The epidural medication kicked in a first, but lasted maybe 20 minutes. I had a button I could push for more medicine every 15 minutes, but suddenly the pump administering the epidural medication started beeping with an error code. The anesthesiologist came back over and I heard him say “hmm, error code ‘air in pump'” and my eyes got wide. I asked if they were pumping air into my spine and I was reassured numerous times by the anesthesiologist and my fabulous nurse Lisa that it wasn’t the case. Still, when you’re immobile with a tube in your spine and you think air is getting pumped in there, your brain takes a turn for the worst. You don’t want to come out of a childbirth experience paralyzed!

So, they replaced the pump administering the medication. Then the other pump malfunctioned: same error.

To make a really long story short, my epidural didn’t work. It was a faulty epidural and pump (and, apparently, we can blame our President for the problem since Kaiser gets its epidural meds from Puerto Rico and they were low on supply with a lot of New Years births happening…).

I. Felt. Everything.

It got so bad that my nurse literally had to administer drugs right into my IV port so I could get some rest before having to push. That’s the whole point of having an epidural is to get ample rest before putting your body through one of the most stressful, yet magical, things ever. Having to deal with excruciating pain was not part of my birth plan once I received the epidural.

I was in so much pain that I was literally screaming every time a contraction happened. Thanks Pitocin. At around 11:45 p.m. on January 1, 2018, the doctor checked me and as she was checking me, I had a contraction at the same time, and my water broke. That was a surreal experience actually feeling my water break. Once that happened, my labor progressed a lot faster.

January 2, 2018

At around 1 a.m. the doctor came in to check me again and told me that I was 100% effaced, 10 cm dilated and 0% station, and ready to start pushing. At that point, my night nurse, Kat, started helping me with the pushing process. Eliana and Max were each at one leg holding it and she was helping me count to push. I was so exhausted and felt like I wasn’t pushing to the best of my ability through each contraction. After pushing for a little over 2 hours, the OBGYN attending (yes, residents primarily deliver you at Kaiser San Francisco, unless they need assistance from higher ups) on call came in and asked if I could continue. I vividly remember saying that I can’t push anymore, that I was getting tired.

The doctor said “before you give up…” which my quick-witted response was “really, before I give up? I’ve been pushing for 3 hours and in labor for almost 36!..” the doctor wanted to use vacuum assistance to get my little girl out. I obliged after being threatened with an emergency c-section (that would not have been fun). Both doctors told me that if I couldn’t push Jadyn out with three pushes, it’d be necessary to have a c-section.

My first two pushes were mediocre and she would come down and then go back up. My last and final push, I gave it my all and pushed for way longer than 10 seconds and then…

Instant relief.

Jadyn Sky was born on January 2, 2018 at 3:17 a.m. She is the best New Years gift I could have ever received. After all the trauma my body went through, the end result is perfect. She’s my little angel nugget and we are so, so in love with her.

During my delivery of her I ended up getting a second degree tear and that was definitely not fun to feel the tugging of stitches down there. Also, according to my mom, husband and bestie, I lost a lot of blood. That would explain why I passed out twice about two hours after Jadyn was born when they tried to have me go pee after delivery. Thank goodness a nurse was watching the baby!

January 2-4, 2018

My hospital stay was to be expected. I ended up needing iron to help with the blood loss and nurses kept checking in on me every few hours. We attempted breastfeeding, but Jadyn is having a hard time latching, so I’ve been pumping and bottle feeding her (please no judgement. She’s getting my breast milk and it shouldn’t matter how). After a couple days of nurses and doctors checking in on me – and pressing on my uterus to expel any blood – we were able to go home. Jadyn checked out with a clean bill of health and I checked out with Motrin, Tylenol, a stool softener and iron supplements to last me a lifetime.

Let’s just say I haven’t received a solid night’s sleep since December 30, 2017. But in the end, it’s all worth it as we have the most beautiful little nugget in the entire world.

She Has Arrived!

I am so happy to announce to you all that our little bundle is finally here!

Jadyn Sky made her debut at 3:17 a.m. on January 2, 2018.

Labor and delivery story to come at a later date.

xoxo,

Leigh

What to Expect Part 2

If you read my last post in the What to Expect series, you’ll know that the very first appointment you have with your nurse practitioner or doctor is almost an hour and a half long! Definitely an overwhelming experience, but rest assured that you’ll feel great about your pregnancy and if you’ve had any questions, they’ll get answered. Most doctors now offer email communication which makes your life even easier when you feel uncertain about things you can or can’t do.

So when do you see your doctor next?

Believe it or not, you don’t see your doctor again until you’re really close to starting your second trimester. The second time I saw my doctor was when I was 12-weeks. I literally saw my doctor and then jumped on a 14 hour flight overseas. That was for sure an exhilarating experience.

The 12-week check-up lasts about 45 minutes including the wait time from getting your blood pressure, weight and temperature taken to when you actually see the doctor. My doctor called this the “viability” exam to make sure that the fetus is still viable and growing. Some women can miscarry between weeks 8 and 12, hence why you have your appointments around then.

Your doctor will go over any prenatal blood work you had done and answer any questions that have come up since your last visit or email and then you’ll have another vaginal ultrasound. I know… I just shared too much info, but I want to be real with you all. This is the last vaginal ultrasound you have unless they can’t take certain measurements at your anatomy ultrasound later down the road (different post to come!).

As uncomfortable as it is for those 15-20 minutes of scanning, it’s remarkable. At 12-weeks, your little kidney bean has developed arms, legs, you can make out the skull and even its ears! While gender is determined upon conception, you won’t really be able to start spotting genitalia until around 9-weeks and even then, most doctors and ultrasound techs won’t tell you what you’re having until your anatomy ultrasound which happens between 18 and 20 weeks (at least with my health care provider).

If you so choose, between these first two appointments you’ll have your first round of genetic testing. You won’t get the results in until after your genetic ultrasound (this checks for any spinal abnormalities in the crucial growing stages) and the second round of genetic testing that’s done at the beginning of your second trimester.